Beulah's Country Donuts

Once upon a time there was a box of donuts.

Not stupid store-bought donuts, mind you.
These were the Real Deal.

Made with love from the freshest possible ingredients.
A sweet little elder lady named Beulah had fixed them up
especially to share with others.

An optimist walked by the donuts and said,
Oh! Donuts! How lovely! How thoughtful!
And took a donut.

Then another optimist walked by the donuts and said,
Oh! Donuts! How wonderful! How lovely! Beulah is such a sweetheart.
However, I am allergic to donuts. No donut for me is better,
but that just leaves more for others.

Then a pessimist walked by the donuts and said,
Isn’t that just typical. People make these stupid donuts
and expect you to be friends with them.
Then he took three donuts.

Then a self-described optimist walked by the box of donuts.
He read Beulah's handwritten note: Help yourself to some donuts, friend!

AHA! What an opportunity, thought the so-called optimist.
This box of donuts will fit perfectly inside my carpet bag.

When no one was looking, he put the entire container of donuts in his carpet bag.

Then he went out and sold all the donuts. Then he sold the box, which was actually a cute little item by itself, as Beulah had decorated it with farm scenes and bunnies and so forth. He even sold the handwritten note.

Finally, when he was all out of stuff to sell, he figured out a way to start selling the donut holes. Don’t ask me how. He just did.

When he was done doing that, he put on his handsomest bow tie, and went and found Beulah’s house.

Good morning, Madam, said the Someone, smiling broadly. May I interest you in a Little Something?

Oh, yes! said Beulah, smiling right back at the Someone. I am always in the market for Something. Provided, of course, that it has The Factor. But your product has The Factor, of course, does it not?

The someone felt confused for a moment but thought quickly and said, oh my yes, this product is simply oozing with Factor.

Well please tell me more then, friend. I am all ears, said Beulah. Do come inside and have some tea while we chat. Please remove your shoes before stepping inside, though, if you don't mind.

The Someone felt a twinge of panic when Beulah said this, but he thought quickly again, and said, might we just stay here on your porch to chat? It is such a lovely day today.

The Someone understood the reason for the shoes-off rule but he had no wish to comply, since the shoes that he wore were a special type of shoe designed to disguise the fact that the Someone, in reality, had no feet.

That is fine by me, said Beulah. Let us get down to business, then. First of all, though, so I do not waste any of your time, do you accept gold coin as payment?

At the mention of gold the someone got hungry. Yes, ma'am, gold is a perfectly fine means of payment for the items I sell. I -

The Someone's words were interrupted by just a tiny jishin - a quiver in the Earth that is known to some as an earthquake.

Did you feel that? the Someone asked, a bit surprised. I think I just felt the Earth move under my feet.

Please save your flirting for another prospective client, said Beulah with a wicked grin. I didn't just fall off the turnip truck, you know.

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