Kindly blogger Nantoka said it was O.K. for me to use this page to attempt to contact you regarding my desperate situation. She says she has more ambient findability than she wants and I am welcome to all I can use.
My name is Santa. Not “Santa”…Actual Santa. And I am writing to you because I am in very hot waters with the wife, the bank, and the fan base. AKA Nantoka said you are a very creative person whose mind, once wrapped around my troubles, would likely find a solution where I can envision none whatsoever.
So, here are the hot waters I am in: I sort of took out a teeny tiny home equity loan on the North Pole lair. And it sort of blew up into a gigantic mess, thanks to inflation and property taxes and the rugrats wanting more stuff every year. Anyway, I am very afraid that once word gets out about how hopeless the situation has become with this blasted loan, Santa is going to be out of a home, a gig, a wife, a fan base and a positive reputation. And that is putting it mildly.
“Name Not Given”, if you can think of any way at all to help me I would appreciate it very much, even if it is an opportunity for me to wash dishes in your cafeteria or to hawk your arts factory products at crafts fairs. Please, “Name Not Given”, give me a chance and you will not be sorry. I promise to reach a reasonable weight and to stop acting as a mouthpiece for colonial values. I will give all my un-repossessed items of value to your favorite charitable cause. And I can even coach you if you want to play Father Kitty Christmas at the Ayuwa’sifest Christmas pageant! (AKA Nantoka told me she heard a rumor that Pet Welfare Fest organizers consider you to be the #1 choice for this role.)
Yours very truly and hopefully,